Delusion
Everything that's happening now, I guess I'm just really trying to be happy. I can't say that I'm totally unaffected, but not all out depressed either. Just a bit of... Heartache. And a lot of disappointment in myself.
When will I actually pick myself up and be strong again? I don't feel that the time for that is anywhere in the near future... I once said 2 years ago that it will be bleak. And yes, I passed it that time round, but this time I'm REALLY feeling it. It isn't stress. It's just some formless and shapeless and inexistent thingy that's actually lingering somewhere in my heart. Emptiness? No. I just can't use any form of words to describe this phase of my life that I'm going through right now (or will be going through)
Sometimes when I look back, it's just so hurting, it's not something that I'm sad over, more like I'm utterly disappointed and frustrated with myself. I will miss so many things. After 2 years, what will become of _____ that I'm hanging on to so much? My pillar of strength? Will _____'s existence even be known then? Will _______ still be fine? I don't wanna say so many things. I don't really care what people say, but it's really weird. I've already overcome "others". Something that i might say 90% of the people can't do. And thus they have low self esteems are insecure peeps. Yes I have overcome that, and I'm struggling with myself. A lot. Like what they say, it's true, 最难过的最终还是自己那一关...
11:24 PM
Sunday, April 18, 2010
If only...
